Monday, December 29, 2014

The Dragons of Azog

Very slightly racy, but my take on shape-shifters.  Fun for a change and more to come.

The Dragons of Azog.

The princess called on the dragon. He was a most civilized dragon and therefore, he invited her into his cave and served her dinner rather than served her as dinner. As she entered the cave, she removed her cloak revealing a buxom body in a jeweled bikini. It left little of her figure or ability to put it to good use it to the imagination. The dragon ignored it and produced dinner instead. Roast mutton always tasted better with company, even if it had the sulfurous overtone from dragonfire.
After they ate, she complimented her host on his shiny red scales, deep yellow eyes, and fearsome teeth. He smiled at her. “Do you know how to charm a dragon?”
“That's why I'm here.”
The princess stroked the dragon under his chin. He purred.
“Can you turn it down? I'm going to go deaf.”
He stopped, “What's wrong Princess?”
“Can't you shape-shift?”
“What's important about shape shifting? Every damn princess I've met for the last century has asked about it. Here's a penny for your thoughts.” He flicked a small ruby from his hoard to her.
“I thought all dragons can shape-shift.”
“I can't, won't”
“That's a shame.”
“Well, you know.” She pouted. “Things. It's been a while.”
“What do you mean?”
She rubbed his brow and pressed her soft body in his face, “I'm hot.”
“You're not wearing much. Not that I'm complaining, it becomes you, but how can you be hot?” He snorted, and the flames singed her hair.
“That's not what I meant.”
“I know.”
“But aren't you able to change shapes, become a prince?”
“Why should I want to become such a puny thing?”
She continued to stroke his chin, then she said, “Don't you want to love me?”
“I'd love you better roasted.”
She stopped, “No, I mean as a female.”
“You're puny.”
“I am not.”
“Yes, you may be a buxom brunette human female. You might be well-endowed for a woman, but you're puny for a dragon. Besides.” The dragon came as close to blushing as a dragon could, “I'm better endowed as a dragon than a man. I have two of them.”
“Two heme-penes. Each is as big as your arms, at least. At least that's what I think. I'm usually to busy when they're out to measure them.”
He rolled over and showed her his underside. “Down there, on the sides of my cloaca.”
“I don't see anything.”
“They're inside. Are you a dragoness?”
“That's why they're inside. Unless you'd like to put your hand in and feel.”
The princess blushed, and said, “No thank you.”
“Oh well, you don't know what you're missing. In the season we have quite a ball.”
“When was the last season?”
“A while ago, there aren't that many dragonesses.”
“There are a lot of princesses, even some with-” She pouted and then produced her best seductive moue. The one she'd been practicing for years. Her teacher said it was the best he'd ever seen.
He ignored it. “I know. They taste good when they've been roasted. Although, I have to admit, I prefer sheep. Tenderer and less gamey than princesses.”
“So you won't shift, will you.”
“Then I'm going.”
“Suit yourself.”
The princess stood and walked out the front of the cave. The dragon reminded her, “It was summer when you came in. It's winter and your not dressed for it.”
She turned and faced him. Then she said. “That's my problem.”
“Just don't forget your cloak. You'll catch cold and then where will you be?”
When she walked out of the mouth she called, “Wizard Bloom I'm out.”
A few moments later a blue ball of light appeared. She stepped in and a minute later stepped out into a room full of wizard stuff. An old bearded man accosted her.
“What went wrong?”
“He doesn't want to switch."
“Dragons are liars. Why didn't you push the issue?”
“I did. As hard as I dared.”
While they chatted, a blast of flames came out of the mountain in the distant horizon. It was followed by a flying dragon. “Where's that princess? I'm hungry” She was nowhere to be found, so he scanned the farms, and looked for sheep. A fat ewe would do.
The wizard looked at the princess and said, “See what happens when you fail?”
“I failed?”
“The idea was for you to trap him with your womanly charms, that magic. Bind him to human form so we can eliminate him.” The wizard paused, “as a threat I mean.”
“He's not interested in humans. We're too puny, and I don't blame him. Imagine two of them and as big as my arm.”
“That small. Poor fellow.”
“He's really nice. For a dragon.”
The wizard paused, “Well since you've been trained in your female magic, how about a go?”
“Get lost creep.”
Outside, in the distance the sirens of the Valley fire department could be heard. The dragon, had, in his hurry, set a barn alight.
“This is what is going to happen every night until you bind him with your enchantment, your delicious enchantment.” He reached for a squeeze. She slapped him silly. “How many times do I have to tell you, it's not for you creep. I'm not an apprentice any longer and don't have to put up with your lechery.”
The wizard charmed up an ice pack for his face, then said, “He's the only dragon left, you know. The rest have all been charmed, or killed.”
“There aren't any dragonesses?”
“No. In a way it's a pity. But if you're not going to charm him, then I'll have to talk to the prince. He's been itching for a dragon quest.”
She was stunned, this was an aspect of her charge that she hadn't considered. “You mean – if I don't charm him, then he'll be hunted down and killed.”
The wizard nodded his head, then winced. The princess packed one heck of a punch.
“He seems to be afraid of shape-shifting. Said he can't, then said he won't.”
“What a wimp.”
“He's a very nice dragon. Polite and elegant.”
“Still, a dragon that won't shape-shift. What a loser.”
“I think he just needs to be shown that it's safe. Can you teach me the way?”
“What's the price?”
The wizard reached out to take a squeeze and once more was slapped. “Sorry, I'll find someone else. Maybe the Witch Elvira.”
“She'll want payment too.”
“Greedy lot, you wizards. Don't call the prince yet, I haven't given up on my dragon.”